Random satirical headlines Mar05 '08

Every once in a while, I'll think of a news headline that cracks me up. Humans have a knack for satire and parody. By exemplifying the obvious, or "reading between the lines," news can be made rather humorous. That's why outfits like The Onion and Newsvine do so well.

In the vain of these "fake news sites," here are some headlines that popped into my head over the past couple of months. Some or related to real news events, and others are just completely made-up.

"Sports cancelled Wednesday"

Due to unforseen obligations, "sports" will not be in action Wednesday evening. Please tune in Thursday.

"FOX revokes Giants victory; Patriots remain perfect"

FOX television has revoked the New York Giants Super Bowl victory and passed the "W" to Tom Brady and the "perfect" New England Patriots. A spokesman for FOX said this:

"We were really hoping New England would remain perfect, if only to exemplify how "perfect" FOX is, and everything else about America. Despite the Giants terrific play, the Patriots shall be champions. (We also didn't have any material prepared in the event that the Giants won.) Our 'expert' analysts all said 'Pats Pats Pats!'"

"Congress adds another month to winter"

In a pressure-filled joint-chiefs session, Congress has officially decided to add another month to winter. Three months of torrential snow storms and ice were simply not enough for Mother Nature to get her point across.

"We're going to allow her to speak her full mind. There is much more to be said."

"Tweets lost in crash. Twitter users will have to post what they're having for lunch all over again."

In a disastrous power outage, all Twitter updates have been lost. Users are enraged that their entire history of "what they ate for lunch" is now gone. Twitter user "sparky" has spoken out on his blog:

"This is a crime against everything good about social networks! Why was S3 not used to backup the data!? (I really need to tweet this.)"

"Snow removal workers strike"

Snow is remaining put, while snow removal workers stand on strike. Good luck getting to work.

Categories: Gag , News , Random , Satire

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matthom is published and produced by Matt Thommes - an independent publishing enthusiast, mobile blogger, content creator, informative writer, web developer from Chicago. Never one to conform, Matt intends to promote the effect the web has on our lives, in an effort to intensify, instruct, and clarify all that is happening around us.